Of all the fruit of the Spirit, the quality of gentleness tends to be the least desired and the most misunderstood by women today. I had not considered the topic in any depth until Beth K. asked me to speak on gentleness at the mother-daughter tea she was planning. (The tea was delightful, by the way!) When I began studying what God’s Word says in regard to being gentle, I quickly became excited about the relevance of this work of God’s grace.
It’s helpful to consider first what gentleness is not. It’s not being weak, passive, soft or docile. Nor is it a feminine trait of concern to women only. And it’s not a personality trait one has naturally from birth so that some have an excuse for lacking in gentleness, saying, “It’s just the way I am. I’m just not the gentle type.”
In fact, gentleness is a work of the Holy Spirit in believers (Gal. 5:22-23) and is a quality to be true of all God’s chosen (Col. 3:12). So what is it, and how can one cultivate it?
Gentleness is “power under control.” Strength and gentleness are actually two sides of the same coin. It has been said that, “Nothing is as strong as gentleness; nothing is so gentle as true strength.” This seeming contradiction is an example of the counterintuitive wisdom of God.
Gentleness originates in the character of the Lord and can only be understood through the eyes of faith. This “power under control” can be seen in the psalmist’s description of God in Ps. 18:35:
“You have given me the shield of your salvation,
and your right hand supported me,
and your gentleness made me great.”
God is described as powerful, yet stooping down to help.
And again in Isaiah 40:10-11:
“Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,
and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him.
He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.”
Isaiah writes of God as the powerful Ruler who brings reward and judgment, but tenderly gathers weak lambs in His powerful arms.
Gentleness is found most gloriously displayed in our Lord and Savior, Jesus, through His dealings with you and me.
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5-8)
Jesus, who is all-powerful God, laid aside His power and came to earth in gentleness as a baby in order to sacrifice Himself for our salvation. And because He is strong and gentle, we can surrender to Him in order to be relieved of striving in our own power. When we yield to Him, He trains us in His ways of gentleness (Matt. 11:28-30).
Therefore, based on God’s character and Christ’s example, 1) we’re to have a gentle response to God, submitting our strength and will to Him, trusting His goodness and power in our lives; and 2) we’re to deal gently with others in humility in the same manner in which God has dealt with us in Christ (Eph. 4:2).
So, in thinking about this oft-overlooked work of the Spirit in your life, what are some ways that you can begin to demonstrate gentleness? Consider these possibilities for exercising “strength under control,” setting aside your agenda for another’s good:
- Seek to make others feel at ease, being attentive to their opinions and sensitive to their needs.
- Look for potential in others with a desire to help them grow.
- Show respect for the personal dignity of another person with whom you differ rather than trying to dominate or intimidate to get your way.
- Avoid blunt speech and an abrupt manner, especially with those younger/weaker than you; consider the potential impact of your manner.
- Don’t be threatened by opposition, but rather show gentleness toward your enemies, trusting that the Lord uses such things to refine your faith.
- Don’t belittle or gossip about a sister who has sinned, but instead grieve and pray for her repentance.
Our all-powerful God has stooped down to help us in our sin through the gentleness of Jesus, and He expects us to respond in gentleness toward Him and others. He makes this possible for His glory as we yield to the power of the Spirit in our lives.
