So now my confidence was given a real boost, but what happened when real life set in and the time was approaching for her to leave? The test of my resolve to remain steadfast in my trust in God was sure to come. Here are some thoughts that I wrote down during the days after the missions conference regarding letting her go:
- I do not want to be a hindrance to God’s work in Amy’s life or my own. If I love Amy more than God, I am not pleasing Him. Matthew 10:37-39 tells me that God should be my first love and ultimate priority. Verse 37b says, “Anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” I prayed verse 39b for Amy and myself: “Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Amy had been raised in a church that believed in, taught, and sought participation in world missions. We had sent Amy on every youth mission trip. I could not be a hypocrite now and say to her, “Oh we didn’t mean we wanted you to be a missionary.”
- God is in China, too, as well as in Little Rock. I can’t be in both places but He can. He promised in Matthew 28:19-20, “I am with you always.” He can and He will sustain and keep her there and me here in Little Rock. It was always a comfort to me to look into the night sky and know that the same moon that shines here shines in China, too, and the God of creation who hangs the sun, moon and starts in place is surrounding my daughter with His love and grace wherever she is.
- Finances: that was a lot of money to raise in a few months for a year in China. At least it looked like a lot to me! But it was a drop in the bucket to God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He gloriously showed us that He was in control in the area of finances, too.
The bottom line on these three thoughts was this: Go to the mission field because God has blessed you with the opportunity to align yourself with His purposes. And these words of comfort came to me:
His hope, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
Well, I began to sink one day about two months after the missions conference. It was two months before Amy’s departure in mid-April. Baseball season was extended because Little Rock Christian kept winning games, and Robert was graduating in May. I was trying to complete a kindergarten-12th grade scrapbook before Robert’s graduation, help Amy with all the China prep (papers, physicals, immunizations, finding long underwear, packing, etc.), and plan a wedding reception for 500 people with tons of food for Shannon’s wedding. The overwhelming flood had hit! God was so faithful and I just praise Him for what He taught me that day. Several times I placed a phone call to a friend to discuss my panicked feelings and seek her advice on getting someone else to be in charge of the reception. She never answered her phone, so I just got in my car and left for Robert’s baseball game. As I was driving, I began singing a Christmas song that I had learned years ago:
Rest, the Lord is near, refuse to fear, enjoy His love.
Trust, His mighty power fills every hour of all your days.
There is no need for needless worry with such a Savior.
You have no cause to ever doubt,
His perfect Word still reassures in any trial.
Rest, the Lord is there, lift up your prayer, for He is strong.
Trust, He’ll bring release and perfect peace will calm your mind.
Then 1 John 4:18 came to mind: “Perfect love casts out fear.” In spite of my reaching out to a friend instead of Christ first, He graciously came to me with His love and gentle reminder that I was to rest in Him. My overwhelmed mind became a mind of peace as God revealed Himself to me as the best friend I would have to walk through this new journey of life with me. An old hymn says it this way:
Can you find a friend so faithful,
Who will all your sorrows share?
Jesus knows your every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
