Linda A. spoke about being a good listener at a recent Wise Women segment of our Wednesday night Bible study. Over the next 4 days, we will look at sections of her talk. I hope that breaking it up this way makes it easier for all of you to read about this very timely topic.
I'd like to speak about listening properly to others and being careful about our speech. This has been something that has been on my heart for some time now. James 1:19 tells us to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." This verse can be interpreted various ways - our vertical relationships with God and our horizontal relationships with each other. I'd like to concentrate on the horizontal relationship tonight.
I began to be convicted a few years ago about my inadequate listening skills. My older daughter Victoria and her husband Ben moved to Auburn, Alabama, 5 years ago to pursue their PhD in English. Since we didn't see each other very much, we spent a lot of time on the phone. I'd be so excited to speak to her that I'd barely let her finish her sentence before I'd rush in and give her all our news. In fact, sometimes I was not even really listening to what she was saying, because I was waiting for a pause so that I could have my turn at speaking. Victoria was very gracious and rarely complained. However, occasionally she'd say, "Mom, I hadn't finished speaking!" Gradually, I began to notice it for myself and determined to change. Needless to say, I'm still a work in progress!
I've noticed that I'm not alone in this rude behavior! In fact, the attentive listener is the exception rather than the rule.
Our inattentiveness can take various forms. I'm listing seven, but I'm sure you can come up with others.
Do we really believe Galatians 5:13-15: "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’”? If so, then shouldn't we crucify our old flesh, wrench our thoughts away from ourselves for a few minutes, love our neighbor, and focus on what he or she is saying?
I'd like to speak about listening properly to others and being careful about our speech. This has been something that has been on my heart for some time now. James 1:19 tells us to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." This verse can be interpreted various ways - our vertical relationships with God and our horizontal relationships with each other. I'd like to concentrate on the horizontal relationship tonight.
I began to be convicted a few years ago about my inadequate listening skills. My older daughter Victoria and her husband Ben moved to Auburn, Alabama, 5 years ago to pursue their PhD in English. Since we didn't see each other very much, we spent a lot of time on the phone. I'd be so excited to speak to her that I'd barely let her finish her sentence before I'd rush in and give her all our news. In fact, sometimes I was not even really listening to what she was saying, because I was waiting for a pause so that I could have my turn at speaking. Victoria was very gracious and rarely complained. However, occasionally she'd say, "Mom, I hadn't finished speaking!" Gradually, I began to notice it for myself and determined to change. Needless to say, I'm still a work in progress!
I've noticed that I'm not alone in this rude behavior! In fact, the attentive listener is the exception rather than the rule.
Our inattentiveness can take various forms. I'm listing seven, but I'm sure you can come up with others.
- Many of us are just waiting for the other person to pause, so we can speak. We're not really interested in what the other person is saying. We just want to speak ourselves.
- We don't even allow the other person to finish his or her sentence. We interrupt and turn the conversation back to ourselves.
- We interrupt by saying, "Oh, I know what you mean. You mean…," and then go on to give our point of view about the matter. Funnily enough, when this has happened to me, very rarely has the other person been correct in his or her assumptions. If I'd been allowed to finish my thought, this would have been apparent!
- We inject little humorous asides as the person speaks, which is very distracting to the speaker.
- We don't focus on the speaker, but look around, scanning the room for familiar faces, waving at others, and sometimes even walking away or turning to speak to someone else, while the other person is still speaking.
- We have our cell phone clutched in our hot, little hands and answer texts - or even check our e-mail - while the other person is speaking.
- We keep our eyes glued to the TV screen while the other person is speaking.
Do we really believe Galatians 5:13-15: "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’”? If so, then shouldn't we crucify our old flesh, wrench our thoughts away from ourselves for a few minutes, love our neighbor, and focus on what he or she is saying?
