Being a Good Listener, Part 2

Linda A. spoke about being a good listener at a recent Wise Women segment of our Wednesday night Bible study. This is part 2 in a 4-part series. You can read part 1 here.

Years ago, when Steve Lawson was our pastor, we had a couples' retreat. One of the sessions led by Steve was on listening and being courteous to one another. He emphasized that when conversing with another person, we should keep our eyes focused on the speaker's face and not allow ourselves to be distracted by anything else taking place in the same location. Steve practiced what he preached. During a conversation with him, he kept his eyes fixed on you. If someone passed by and gave him a quick "hi" or patted him on the arm, he'd not acknowledge it, but would keep totally focused on whoever was speaking to him. To him, it was very discourteous to the other person for him to look away and smile at someone else or give a quick greeting. Ironically, some people characterized him as being unfriendly and rude! His critics didn't understand his view on listening attentively.

Our courteous listening shouldn't be restricted to other adults. My three-year-old Sunday school kids deserve the same attention from me that I'd accord to someone older. So do our husbands and children!

It used to drive my husband nuts if the phone rang when he was speaking to me, because I'd immediately grab it and answer it! This was before we had caller ID, so I had no clue who was calling. Eventually, (I'm a slow learner!) I realized that it was hurtful for him to think that his conversation wasn't as important as any random phone call. Now, I even resist glancing at the phone to see who's called until he's finished speaking.

When you have several young children - especially if you are also home schooling - you have to be realistic. Of course you want to get down to their eye level and show them they're important enough for you to listen intently to what they have to say. However, some little people are very talkative, and you could spend all day just listening to them! As delightful as that would be, unfortunately, laundry doesn't get done by itself nor any of the other household chores. We have eight children - all of whom have been home schooled. While the current baby was sleeping and the older kids were doing schoolwork on their own, I'd rush around doing the various household chores. Often my preschool kids would toddle behind me, chattering away. Stuart, who is now 17, would say, "Mom, are you listening at me?" It was so cute! As he followed me, I'd call out. "I'm listening!" Now that the cute, wee voices have given way to deep, masculine ones, I still find myself automatically calling out, "I'm listening!" when I hear one of the boys who are still living at home say, "Hey Mom!"

Have you noticed how restful it is to speak to someone who is silent while you speak, only nodding or shaking his or head to acknowledge comprehension? No interruption. No mouth open ready to insert a comment as soon as you draw breath. Just listening attentively to what you are saying. That's how we should all be.

If John 13:5 says "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Then isn't it being other-centered and showing love by courteously giving someone all our attention? Shouldn't we be different from the world? I've always said to our kids that our home should be a place where we can express our fears without mockery and relate others' compliments about us without derision. We have to be a refuge from a fallen and degenerate world. Our Christian family should be the same way. We should be secure in the knowledge that a Christian brother or sister has our best interests in mind and is eager to "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)