Being a Good Listener, Part 4

Linda A. spoke about being a good listener at a recent Wise Women segment of our Wednesday night Bible study. This is the last of a 4-part series. Click here to read part 1, part 2, and part 3.

In one of Pastor Quinn's sermons, he touched upon gossip. It was one of the most practical ones I'd ever heard. Basically - and this is my paraphrase - he explained how a simple statement of fact can turn into a question which can turn into a judgment. I'll give an example. It has to be a ridiculous one, so that I don't inadvertently tread on any toes!

Let's say a friend has decided to have her house painted blue with red polka dots. Another friend says to you, "Hey, so-and-so has had her house painted blue with red polka dots." Nothing wrong with that, right? It’s an innocuous statement. Here's where it can begin to be gossip. You say, "Gosh - why would she choose those colors?" Still not too bad, but heading downhill. Your friend replies, "Yes, I'd never do that." Uh oh! Now, one of you has decided to judge so-and-so. It would be very easy for the conversation to degenerate into gossip after that, because you'd both be discussing so-and-so's poor choice of house color and feeling smug, because you would never, ever in a million years do such a thing! Do you see how insidious it is? We have to nip it in the bud, and one of the ways to do that is to be slow to speak.

A few weeks ago, Philip De Courcy preached an excellent sermon on the sin of worrying. One very striking way to exacerbate our sin of anxiety is to continually express our worries to others. Sometimes, it's way easier to speak to other humans about it, rather than take it to the One who can give us the strength to endure any trial. I have done this over the years. Kenny would say to me, "Linda, every time you speak about a particular fear or worry, the stronger it becomes in your mind and emotions. You need to stop speaking about it so much, and once you have taken it to the Lord, leave it be." You know, it pays to listen to our husbands. They can sometimes offer excellent advice! Who knew?

The bottom line is that we who have the honor of calling ourselves by the name Christian should "walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called" (Ephesians 4:1). There should be a definite difference between the world and us. We should be first listeners and then speakers. We should think before we speak. We should remember that "the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart" (Matthew 15:18). We already know from Jeremiah 17:9 that, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; Who can know it?" I said earlier that God gives us the means to change our hearts and set our minds on Him. We ask Him. He's the One who puts in us the desire to change. Then he gives us the tools: His Word, which, as Hebrews 4:12 informs us, is "living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Psalm 119:11 tells us that memorizing God's word will help us keep our minds on Him and turn away from sin: "Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could say with David in Psalm 17:3, (without expecting a bolt of lightning to strike us from the sky for our audacity), "You have tried my heart; You have visited me by night; You have tested me and You find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress"?